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On Monday, the English Department put up an easel with a big pad next to a bulletin board with pictures of Danny, so that students and teachers could write up memories and little tributes to Danny. As each sheet was filled, they tore it off the pad and taped it up along the wall. By Wednesday, there were four or five sheets up.
But someone decided to deface a few of the sheets with vitriolic slurs against gays, and the pad was taken down. It was a blunt reminder that there are still people with blind hatred and prejudice against others not for who they are, but for attributes over which they had no control.
It made me utterly furious. I wanted to find this person and toss him in a room with all of us who are grieving Danny's loss, and let us tear into him. At first.
Then I thought about how Danny would have reacted had he seen someone do something like that. Danny wouldn't have been furious. He would have been concerned but calm. He would have have taken the student into his office and talked to him (forgive the sexism, but I'm assuming this was most likely a male student, and probably someone who didn't know Danny at all). Danny would have tried to understand why this person felt the way he felt; he would have listened with sympathy and compassion and patience, and afterward -- no matter what the outcome -- he would have put his arm around this person as he left or (more likely) given him a hug.
That was Danny.
So I can't be angry. I can only be sad that someone saw fit to intrude upon the grief and memories of all of us who knew Danny to spew their own poison. Whoever you are, know that Danny would have forgiven you. He would have offered to be your friend if you would allow it. He would have tried to help you see past your blindness. And you are far, far poorer for never having known the man, because if you had known him, you could not have hated him.
It would not have been possible.
But someone decided to deface a few of the sheets with vitriolic slurs against gays, and the pad was taken down. It was a blunt reminder that there are still people with blind hatred and prejudice against others not for who they are, but for attributes over which they had no control.
It made me utterly furious. I wanted to find this person and toss him in a room with all of us who are grieving Danny's loss, and let us tear into him. At first.
Then I thought about how Danny would have reacted had he seen someone do something like that. Danny wouldn't have been furious. He would have been concerned but calm. He would have have taken the student into his office and talked to him (forgive the sexism, but I'm assuming this was most likely a male student, and probably someone who didn't know Danny at all). Danny would have tried to understand why this person felt the way he felt; he would have listened with sympathy and compassion and patience, and afterward -- no matter what the outcome -- he would have put his arm around this person as he left or (more likely) given him a hug.
That was Danny.
So I can't be angry. I can only be sad that someone saw fit to intrude upon the grief and memories of all of us who knew Danny to spew their own poison. Whoever you are, know that Danny would have forgiven you. He would have offered to be your friend if you would allow it. He would have tried to help you see past your blindness. And you are far, far poorer for never having known the man, because if you had known him, you could not have hated him.
It would not have been possible.