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I wasn't particularly planning on jumping in on this topic since several others have said much of what I would say, but The Stupid seems to keep coming from blogs and news outlets and overheard conversations, and so here goes.
All the "those poor boys and their ruined lives" sympathy drives me up a wall. They raped an unconscious girl. Not only that, they did so in front of witnesses who were taking pictures and videos of the act, none of whom had the courage or the sense to stop the two from doing it. In my mind, those people are complicit with the act and should also be punished.
Sympathy? I have nothing but disgust for the two young athletes, who seemed to feel that their status exempted them from decent behavior -- and for their teachers, their coaches, and their parents, who failed to instill in them the idea that sex without consent, in any situation, is rape. Period. It's really very simple: no consent, no sexual contact. End of story.
And for the idiots who are going on about "she was drunk out of her mind, so she was asking for it." No, she wasn't asking for this, and her impaired state does nothing to mitigate what happened to her. She was unconscious, and therefore there's no consent here. In fact, let's take this to absurd lengths: if a woman walks naked down the street, she's also not "asking for it" and to force her into a sexual act without her consent is rape. If a woman grabs you by the hand, takes you into her bedroom, strips off your clothes and her own, gets you nice and ready, then shakes her head and says "No, I'm sorry. I don't want this," you're still not allowed to continue, or it's rape.
No consent, no sex.
A woman who is forced into sexual contact without consent, or is in such a state that she can't give consent, bears no blame for what happened. None. She was raped, and all the blame and all the punishment should go to the person(s) who went ahead anyway. Don't feel sorry for those "talented young lives lost." Feel outrage that they thought they could do this. Feel horror at the fact that they didn't see that what they were doing was utterly wrong. Feel anger for their laughter and jokes afterward. Feel fury toward a social culture that failed to teach them the difference between consensual sex and rape. But don't you dare feel sorry for them.
You can save the sorrow and pity for the young woman who was the only victim here.
*********
ETA: After I wrote and posted this, on the drive into the university I heard a serendipitous report on NPR about rape in the military. According to the reporter, one in four women in the military are sexually assaulted. One in four…
That’s a staggering percentage. a significantly higher rate (according to the report) than what occurs “outside”, and many of these women find themselves raped and assaulted multiple times during their career: by their superiors, by their peers, sometimes by the very person to whom they would be reporting such an assault -- though the report made it clear that even when assaults are reported, they’re often ignored or minimized or not followed up on. As one woman put it during the report (and here I’m paraphrasing): “It wasn’t the enemy I was worried about; it was the soldiers on my own side.”
Rape is embedded in the culture -- and it is largely about power. We won’t be able to abate the problem until we do something at the most basic levels, until it’s instilled in every young man’s mind that this type of behavior is wrong, that it won’t be tolerated by our society, and that those who persist will be punished.
All the "those poor boys and their ruined lives" sympathy drives me up a wall. They raped an unconscious girl. Not only that, they did so in front of witnesses who were taking pictures and videos of the act, none of whom had the courage or the sense to stop the two from doing it. In my mind, those people are complicit with the act and should also be punished.
Sympathy? I have nothing but disgust for the two young athletes, who seemed to feel that their status exempted them from decent behavior -- and for their teachers, their coaches, and their parents, who failed to instill in them the idea that sex without consent, in any situation, is rape. Period. It's really very simple: no consent, no sexual contact. End of story.
And for the idiots who are going on about "she was drunk out of her mind, so she was asking for it." No, she wasn't asking for this, and her impaired state does nothing to mitigate what happened to her. She was unconscious, and therefore there's no consent here. In fact, let's take this to absurd lengths: if a woman walks naked down the street, she's also not "asking for it" and to force her into a sexual act without her consent is rape. If a woman grabs you by the hand, takes you into her bedroom, strips off your clothes and her own, gets you nice and ready, then shakes her head and says "No, I'm sorry. I don't want this," you're still not allowed to continue, or it's rape.
No consent, no sex.
A woman who is forced into sexual contact without consent, or is in such a state that she can't give consent, bears no blame for what happened. None. She was raped, and all the blame and all the punishment should go to the person(s) who went ahead anyway. Don't feel sorry for those "talented young lives lost." Feel outrage that they thought they could do this. Feel horror at the fact that they didn't see that what they were doing was utterly wrong. Feel anger for their laughter and jokes afterward. Feel fury toward a social culture that failed to teach them the difference between consensual sex and rape. But don't you dare feel sorry for them.
You can save the sorrow and pity for the young woman who was the only victim here.
*********
ETA: After I wrote and posted this, on the drive into the university I heard a serendipitous report on NPR about rape in the military. According to the reporter, one in four women in the military are sexually assaulted. One in four…
That’s a staggering percentage. a significantly higher rate (according to the report) than what occurs “outside”, and many of these women find themselves raped and assaulted multiple times during their career: by their superiors, by their peers, sometimes by the very person to whom they would be reporting such an assault -- though the report made it clear that even when assaults are reported, they’re often ignored or minimized or not followed up on. As one woman put it during the report (and here I’m paraphrasing): “It wasn’t the enemy I was worried about; it was the soldiers on my own side.”
Rape is embedded in the culture -- and it is largely about power. We won’t be able to abate the problem until we do something at the most basic levels, until it’s instilled in every young man’s mind that this type of behavior is wrong, that it won’t be tolerated by our society, and that those who persist will be punished.
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But additionally, it's about teaching the kids. Most parents teach their daughters about what to watch out for, about being careful about what you drink, about behavior, the look in someone's eye, and not to walk alone at night in a deserted area.
The daughters are given all the info they should have to protect themselves, they do everything right and they still get raped.
THAT MEANS it is the boys that need the teaching. They need to know, in no uncertain terms that it is never okay to do this to a woman or girl. That this is not permissible under any circumstances. This should begin in sex education, as a part of the process of what that is all about.
Punishing these rapists after the fact is not a solution. Why weren't they cognizant of these basic human rights issues? Here is where the teaching must begin. The idea is to stop it before it happens. Let's hope this case, and the ensuing fallout from it, will produce some progress.
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