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Last night, I had one of those strange calls that published authors sometimes get. The house landline rang about 7:30 or so; I wasn't in my office where the phone has Caller ID (fair warning: if I don't recognize the number, I don't answer. Period.)
So I answered, since it was late and generally Denise's family and mine call the house rather than our cell phones. The voice on the other end sounded like an older man. "Are you the Stephen Leigh who writes books?" I acknowledged that I was. "Well, I was at the library this afternoon, and I talked to someone there who said you were giving a talk there in July about writing, so I looked up your number. I've written a book and I've been trying to find an agent or a publisher for a year now without any luck, and I don't know what to do..."
I sighed. Probably audibly. Usually the bottom line for a call like this is a variation on one or several of the following categories:
1) "I was wondering if you'd read my book and let me know what you think" or...
2) "Who's your agent and I want you give me a recommendation" or...
3) "If you'll just polish up the book for me, I'll be glad to share some of the advance with you" or...
4) "What the secret handshake?"
If I'd been smart or quick-thinking, I'd have immediately interrupted with "Look, I'm sorry, but this is a bad time for me to talk right now..." I didn't. However, just hanging up would be rather too impolite for me, for I listened as he launched into a long description of his book, how he wrote it when he was a traveling salesman years ago, how it's all about his life growing up, all in far more detail than I had any interest in hearing. He told me how his friends who have read it all tell him how great it is, and how he's queried dozens of agents, all of whom have declined to look at the manuscript, and he doesn't know what to do next.
He wants me to tell him what he should do now, because he's tried the agent route and it hasn't worked.
What I didn't tell him -- and maybe I should have -- is the truth: if everyone is turning you down, the problem most likely isn't with the publishing industry but with your query and/or your book. What I didn't tell him is gee, if your pitch to agents and editors is the same as the pitch you've just given me, well, I'm not surprised you've had no takers since you don't make it sound particularly interesting. I did ask him if he was working on something else in the meantime. He said no. I asked him if this was his first book. It was. I told him that rarely is a painter's first work a masterpiece or even salable; I told him that a new musician usually can't play his or her instrument very well or compose a good song. Becoming competent enough to be of professional quality take lots of practice. Years of it, usually.
He didn't seem to hear that, or shrugged it off as irrelevant to his case. He told me that he doesn't have any interest in writing another book. He wants to sell this one because this one's excellent and exactly the story he wants to tell, and his friends have told him so.
In that case, I said, then the only advice I have for you is to persevere. Keep plugging away at the agents. Look at your query and try to sharpen it up. Send it out, and when it comes back, send it out again. Repeat until you're either out of markets or it's bought.
"That's all you can tell me?" he asked, as if he were annoyed. "I was hoping you could tell me what I'm doing wrong." (You'll note that's a variation on Category 4 -- what he's really saying is: "There must be a secret handshake I'm missing because the problem can't possibly be with my manuscript...")
I asked him if his query letter is doing the job and the agent to asking to see a portion of the work. He hemmed and hawed at that. I told him that if the agent isn't asking for a sample, then something's wrong with his query. If an agent asks to see sample chapters and outline, then the work has to sell itself.
In the first situation, you have to fix your query. In the second, you have to hope your writing grabs the agent/editor. In both cases, the only thing you can do is keep trying. "But I've been at this for almost a year, and I've had no luck." I told him that it took me two or three years to sell my first story, and that I had to write several of them before one was anywhere near good enough.
"Well, who's your agent?" (Ah, a blatant #2...) I told him he could look up Writer's House URL, and that they have submission guidelines there and he should follow them. He asked if I'd tell my agent that his novel was coming; I told him she wouldn't be looking at it anyway, since it's not a genre she represents. He seemed disappointed.
"Well, how about if I send you the novel..." Aha, the venerable #1 request! I cut that one off quickly, telling him I simply didn't have time with my own writing to read other peoples' work -- unless he wanted to sign up at NKU for one of my classes. He didn't.
The conversation lasted about ten minutes, maybe fifteen, and he hit three out of the four usual requests. I'll probably see him in person at the library talk in July -- even though I warned him that I'm not talking about "how to get published." I just hope he doesn't bring his manuscript "just in case..."
I'm sometimes amazed at how 'wannabee' writers have no hesitation about pushing their work at published authors without any consideration of how what they're asking is both rude and presumptuous. I hate that they force me to be rude in response in order to fend them off.
I'm certain lots of writers out there get the same... So how do you deal these kind of situations?
So I answered, since it was late and generally Denise's family and mine call the house rather than our cell phones. The voice on the other end sounded like an older man. "Are you the Stephen Leigh who writes books?" I acknowledged that I was. "Well, I was at the library this afternoon, and I talked to someone there who said you were giving a talk there in July about writing, so I looked up your number. I've written a book and I've been trying to find an agent or a publisher for a year now without any luck, and I don't know what to do..."
I sighed. Probably audibly. Usually the bottom line for a call like this is a variation on one or several of the following categories:
1) "I was wondering if you'd read my book and let me know what you think" or...
2) "Who's your agent and I want you give me a recommendation" or...
3) "If you'll just polish up the book for me, I'll be glad to share some of the advance with you" or...
4) "What the secret handshake?"
If I'd been smart or quick-thinking, I'd have immediately interrupted with "Look, I'm sorry, but this is a bad time for me to talk right now..." I didn't. However, just hanging up would be rather too impolite for me, for I listened as he launched into a long description of his book, how he wrote it when he was a traveling salesman years ago, how it's all about his life growing up, all in far more detail than I had any interest in hearing. He told me how his friends who have read it all tell him how great it is, and how he's queried dozens of agents, all of whom have declined to look at the manuscript, and he doesn't know what to do next.
He wants me to tell him what he should do now, because he's tried the agent route and it hasn't worked.
What I didn't tell him -- and maybe I should have -- is the truth: if everyone is turning you down, the problem most likely isn't with the publishing industry but with your query and/or your book. What I didn't tell him is gee, if your pitch to agents and editors is the same as the pitch you've just given me, well, I'm not surprised you've had no takers since you don't make it sound particularly interesting. I did ask him if he was working on something else in the meantime. He said no. I asked him if this was his first book. It was. I told him that rarely is a painter's first work a masterpiece or even salable; I told him that a new musician usually can't play his or her instrument very well or compose a good song. Becoming competent enough to be of professional quality take lots of practice. Years of it, usually.
He didn't seem to hear that, or shrugged it off as irrelevant to his case. He told me that he doesn't have any interest in writing another book. He wants to sell this one because this one's excellent and exactly the story he wants to tell, and his friends have told him so.
In that case, I said, then the only advice I have for you is to persevere. Keep plugging away at the agents. Look at your query and try to sharpen it up. Send it out, and when it comes back, send it out again. Repeat until you're either out of markets or it's bought.
"That's all you can tell me?" he asked, as if he were annoyed. "I was hoping you could tell me what I'm doing wrong." (You'll note that's a variation on Category 4 -- what he's really saying is: "There must be a secret handshake I'm missing because the problem can't possibly be with my manuscript...")
I asked him if his query letter is doing the job and the agent to asking to see a portion of the work. He hemmed and hawed at that. I told him that if the agent isn't asking for a sample, then something's wrong with his query. If an agent asks to see sample chapters and outline, then the work has to sell itself.
In the first situation, you have to fix your query. In the second, you have to hope your writing grabs the agent/editor. In both cases, the only thing you can do is keep trying. "But I've been at this for almost a year, and I've had no luck." I told him that it took me two or three years to sell my first story, and that I had to write several of them before one was anywhere near good enough.
"Well, who's your agent?" (Ah, a blatant #2...) I told him he could look up Writer's House URL, and that they have submission guidelines there and he should follow them. He asked if I'd tell my agent that his novel was coming; I told him she wouldn't be looking at it anyway, since it's not a genre she represents. He seemed disappointed.
"Well, how about if I send you the novel..." Aha, the venerable #1 request! I cut that one off quickly, telling him I simply didn't have time with my own writing to read other peoples' work -- unless he wanted to sign up at NKU for one of my classes. He didn't.
The conversation lasted about ten minutes, maybe fifteen, and he hit three out of the four usual requests. I'll probably see him in person at the library talk in July -- even though I warned him that I'm not talking about "how to get published." I just hope he doesn't bring his manuscript "just in case..."
I'm sometimes amazed at how 'wannabee' writers have no hesitation about pushing their work at published authors without any consideration of how what they're asking is both rude and presumptuous. I hate that they force me to be rude in response in order to fend them off.
I'm certain lots of writers out there get the same... So how do you deal these kind of situations?
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From:
no subject
I'm convinced that with queries like this, meanness is the way to go. If they keep writing just to prove you wrong, maybe that will give them the perseverance they need.
From:
no subject
Unlisted phone number. Okay, we're unlisted because of stalker issues, but avoiding this sort of phone call is a huge bonus.
Betcha he's hooked up with Publish America or somewhere similar before the year is out.
From:
no subject
I find these people both sad and annoying. For the same reasons, I guess. I dunno. One awesome benefit of using a pen name is that I don't get phone calls at my house.
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
If it's just a book the friends and neighbors want to read, there's always self-publishing...
;)
From:
I ain't that kinda published writer...
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
On the phone I'm just curt.
B
From:
no subject
But if the calls start coming ten times a day, you too will write it all down and refer everyone to the URL.
B
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
"Wow, I would love to help you, but my company absolutely forbids employees to bring manuscripts to editors. I could get fired." That usually covered the editor-version of your #2, and also generally covered #4 (since they were convinced that the secret handshake was having someone put it directly on the editor's desk).
I have actually dealt with this by being completely honest. The trick is to also be gentle and understanding at the same time (which isn't easy, I know. In our culture, women are more encouraged toward this skill). "I have worked in the industry for a very long time, and I know a lot of writers. Every single one of them was writing for years and years before they sold a novel, and almost none of them sold the first novel they wrote. I know the movies and TV make it look like being a writer is easy, but it simply isn't. There's no secret handshake, only a lot of failure and trying again."
If people persist beyond that speech, I have been known to steer them to self-publishing. (Only if they annoy me and give evidence of being utterly DEAF to the truth, rather than simply in denial.)
I don't really have any problem crushing aspiring writers with the truth. If they can't handle it, then it's best if they get out now and go find something else to do.
From:
no subject
Friends know better than to call me and business inquiries should presumably go through my agent, so I can't really see a downside beyond, you know, being a big lying liar who lies on occasion.
Well, apart from never getting stories. A definite downside of living a boring life is lack of stories.
From:
no subject
Wow! A phone call to your house. Some people simply don't understand bounadries...and then some people are unstable.
Time to go unlisted, Stephen!
From:
you thank that's annoying...
From: (Anonymous)
Re: you thank that's annoying...
I have a friend who is a published writer and she has a top-notch agent from a Blue Blood agency. I would never, ever dream of even asking her to refer me to her agent or, for that matter, ask her for advice. She knows I'm writing but I'd never expect her to offer advice, read my stuff or anything else. It wouldn't feel right.
From:
no subject
("it's not them. it's you" is often my first response to people like this. I've learned, over the years, to Not Say that. Out loud, anyway)
From:
no subject
From:
Re: I ain't that kinda published writer...
From:
no subject
(My suggestion? Bring someone along who knows to come interrupt you for something "urgent" when they see you being trapped by someone).
From:
Guh
From:
no subject
I recall asking you years ago to read something I was working on. Now, I only did so because we worked together and had what I consider a good friendly relationship. It may still have been inappropriate and presumptuous, but I did ask in context of understanding you may tell me thanks but no thanks. I cannot really even imagine tracking an established writer down and asking him those things. That seems...odd, but again I think the feeling in the non published community is #4 that there is some secret to breaking in.
All in all kinda weird. I wonder why no one ever calls me and asks me how to get into the computer sales business...
From: (Anonymous)
gosh.
-bowerbird
From:
Re: gosh.
From:
no subject
Dr. Phil