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I know that I spent a fair amount of time tearing apart the screenwriting of your latest movie. Really, I thought the action sequences were well-done and the casting and acting were pretty good. It's just that script...
So I thought in fairness I should tell you what I think might have made for a better script, so you can see from where my criticisms arise. Mostly, I hate that the script relies almost entirely on coincidence, rather than the actions of the characters, to drive the plot. Here's what I might have suggested, had you asked me...
You can start with nearly the same scene: a wormhole opens near the USS Kelvin, and a big ass spaceship comes through (though you might not want to make it look quite so Babylon-5ish). Accompanying the BA ship is a storm of rock from the destruction of the Romulan solar system -- that's what hits the Kelvin and makes them think they're under attack. As in your movie, George Kirk becomes acting captain and manages to save people at the sacrifice of his own life -- you can even have him go after the BA ship, since he thinks it's the cause of the attack. Aboard the BA ship, we see a bunch of robots and a mysterious figure. The MF is listening to the transmissions from the Kelvin, and he's crying (if you can show the tears without giving away who it is...).
And oh, the BA ship? Make it really huge, since its job is to stop a supernova from happening. It should be more than a match for an entire fleet of starships...
It is, of course, Spock Prime on the BA ship. You use the same reboot: he was trying to save Romulus but the sun went supernova too early, and he failed but was tossed through the wormhole. He realizes, too, that he has just changed history: After all, George Kirk didn't die this way or this early in the 'real' world.... But that's all for the final 'reveal.'
You can do much of the same stuff you did, but the BA ship keeps popping up and doing weird and dangerous things, and there's that MF guy showing up now and again as well. Every time this happens, you move us one step closer to having Kirk, Spock, Uhura, Bones, Scottie, Chekhov, and Sulu back together again. Insert action scenes and deceptions as needed. It's Spock Prime behind all the machinations, of course, trying to make amends for having deprived the universe of the Enterprise's exceptional group -- but again, you're not going to make that obvious. Not yet.
Finally, when the Enterprise crew seems mostly set (maybe with some remaining issues), you have the BA ship set course for Romulus. Everyone thinks that the BA ship is going to attack the Romulans. The Enterprise, along with a whole bunch of other ships, is sent to stop it. Action ensues as they try to stop the BA ship. Ships are attacking and being disabled (the BA ship seems to have an issue with actually blowing up ships, and it can take a lot of damage in exchange for it's relatively mild counter-attacks -- which should puzzle everyone. They send crews over to assault; they find only robots crewing the thing -- you can 'kill' as many of those as you want! -- and it's so huge that it could take forever to find the MF who seems to be in charge.
Kirk and Spock beam over, of course, and they battle robots to find the MF. Then we get the reveal that it's Spock Prime. He gives them the backstory, saying that they have to call off the other ships -- the BA ship is being so battered it may not be able to accomplish its mission and stabilize Romulus' sun. Kirk and Co. have to make a dire command decision and battle their own starfleet ships (and Romulan warbirds -- risking an intergalactic war), while the BA ship plunges past Romulus and into the sun.... and Spock Prime has to remain on the BA ship (as George Kirk did at the beginning) in order to hold things together. The BA ship goes into the sun.... and Romulus is saved.
And we have reboot -- but with characters who were actively involved in controlling their own fates, and a really heroic final sacrifice by Spokc Prime. Leonard Nimoy gets to shuffle off the Star Trek coil on a good note.
Well, that's my idea, Mr. Abrams. Yeah, there are lots of details you'd have to work out (like why doesn't Spock Prime just tell everyone what he's planning to do when he heads for Romulus), but we can work out the plot kinks and the overall arc is there. You can tell me whether that would have been a better script or not. What do you think?
So I thought in fairness I should tell you what I think might have made for a better script, so you can see from where my criticisms arise. Mostly, I hate that the script relies almost entirely on coincidence, rather than the actions of the characters, to drive the plot. Here's what I might have suggested, had you asked me...
You can start with nearly the same scene: a wormhole opens near the USS Kelvin, and a big ass spaceship comes through (though you might not want to make it look quite so Babylon-5ish). Accompanying the BA ship is a storm of rock from the destruction of the Romulan solar system -- that's what hits the Kelvin and makes them think they're under attack. As in your movie, George Kirk becomes acting captain and manages to save people at the sacrifice of his own life -- you can even have him go after the BA ship, since he thinks it's the cause of the attack. Aboard the BA ship, we see a bunch of robots and a mysterious figure. The MF is listening to the transmissions from the Kelvin, and he's crying (if you can show the tears without giving away who it is...).
And oh, the BA ship? Make it really huge, since its job is to stop a supernova from happening. It should be more than a match for an entire fleet of starships...
It is, of course, Spock Prime on the BA ship. You use the same reboot: he was trying to save Romulus but the sun went supernova too early, and he failed but was tossed through the wormhole. He realizes, too, that he has just changed history: After all, George Kirk didn't die this way or this early in the 'real' world.... But that's all for the final 'reveal.'
You can do much of the same stuff you did, but the BA ship keeps popping up and doing weird and dangerous things, and there's that MF guy showing up now and again as well. Every time this happens, you move us one step closer to having Kirk, Spock, Uhura, Bones, Scottie, Chekhov, and Sulu back together again. Insert action scenes and deceptions as needed. It's Spock Prime behind all the machinations, of course, trying to make amends for having deprived the universe of the Enterprise's exceptional group -- but again, you're not going to make that obvious. Not yet.
Finally, when the Enterprise crew seems mostly set (maybe with some remaining issues), you have the BA ship set course for Romulus. Everyone thinks that the BA ship is going to attack the Romulans. The Enterprise, along with a whole bunch of other ships, is sent to stop it. Action ensues as they try to stop the BA ship. Ships are attacking and being disabled (the BA ship seems to have an issue with actually blowing up ships, and it can take a lot of damage in exchange for it's relatively mild counter-attacks -- which should puzzle everyone. They send crews over to assault; they find only robots crewing the thing -- you can 'kill' as many of those as you want! -- and it's so huge that it could take forever to find the MF who seems to be in charge.
Kirk and Spock beam over, of course, and they battle robots to find the MF. Then we get the reveal that it's Spock Prime. He gives them the backstory, saying that they have to call off the other ships -- the BA ship is being so battered it may not be able to accomplish its mission and stabilize Romulus' sun. Kirk and Co. have to make a dire command decision and battle their own starfleet ships (and Romulan warbirds -- risking an intergalactic war), while the BA ship plunges past Romulus and into the sun.... and Spock Prime has to remain on the BA ship (as George Kirk did at the beginning) in order to hold things together. The BA ship goes into the sun.... and Romulus is saved.
And we have reboot -- but with characters who were actively involved in controlling their own fates, and a really heroic final sacrifice by Spokc Prime. Leonard Nimoy gets to shuffle off the Star Trek coil on a good note.
Well, that's my idea, Mr. Abrams. Yeah, there are lots of details you'd have to work out (like why doesn't Spock Prime just tell everyone what he's planning to do when he heads for Romulus), but we can work out the plot kinks and the overall arc is there. You can tell me whether that would have been a better script or not. What do you think?
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I agree with you on the constant coincidences. I thought there was a bit much random action too (but, I'm not a gamer or a boy, so it just seemed a bit much).
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I think, though, it's time to reboot Mr. Ed. You seem to have a handle on the idea. A time traveler from Planet of the Equus?
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